Trying to make it through life with His help.

Archive for March, 2017

Being: An Adult

Ya know… there are a few people on my Facebook friends list who have, especially recently, taken a break from social media. I wouldn’t consider myself addicted to it, I will confess I enjoy keeping up with friends from my past and present. While I most certainly do not agree with everything they post – especially morally and politically – it’s their page, and they can post what ever they want. Right? I mean, everybody has their own opinion and I will always fight for their righ to have it, even if I think, (in my ‘infinite wisdom’! lol), that they’re wrong.

If you’ve read any of my blogs before, you will surely have discerned that I’m a Christian. And as a Christian, I try my best to act like one. Every once in a while, something will slip out or happen that doesn’t especially follow the Christian path, but, there is only One Who is perfect, and I am most certainly not He. I say all of this to ask: If you follow my blog, would you really expect me to not post things that reflect my opinions and values? And, if you know me personally, how could it come as any surprise to you that I talk about the One who sustains me on a daily basis, even when I don’t always do what I’m supposed to do?

Since moving home to Nashville, I have found it extremely difficult to find a church home. Somewhere, where everything I need and want in a church comes together. I understand that I’m not going to find what I had in Georgia, and that I need to find a new normal. I’ve also found it difficult to find Christian friends, those with whom I can build a trusting relationship, sharing things I’m going through and get good, solid Christian advice. I’m not saying I don’t have any Christian friends here. Indeed, I have a wonderful and true Christian friend here in Tennessee. And, she’s great. We just don’t get to hang out as much as either of us would like…. (Geography. ugh!)

I’m getting a bit off topic here.

The main reason I wanted … no, needed to write this down, is that today I was told that someone at work I considered to be a friend talks about the things I post on my Facebook page. (Apparently she thinks I’m stupid, naive and no telling what else). She and I are polar opposites in pretty much every way, but, for me, that doesn’t matter. I like her, we just don’t agree on everything. But, she’s extreme, and I am not. Again, though, it doesn’t matter to me. I like her. Admittedly, I have hidden several of her posts because I don’t want to see them in my newsfeed. But for her, they’re nothing but the truth. Which, ok, that’s fine, I don’t have to like it OR see it. I guess it just bothers me that she can’t take me for who I am and what I believe without having to try and discuss it with some of our mutual friends. Creating drama is not something I strive to do. But, apparently, she thrives on it. Something I just hadn’t realized until talking with someone today.

I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that the Lord put me where I am to be His light in the place I work. But lately, it’s been harder and harder to ‘shine’. It’s like I can feel the darkness closing in on me day by day. But, can’t we just be adults and leave all the crap behind? Just grow up and stop being offended, or trying to change others’ minds? Have an adult conversation, or discussion, without trying to beat the other person up verbally just to feel superior?! Honestly, I don’t blame people for taking a break from social media. It does get tiresome. I might have to try it soon. The people who know me, know how to get in touch with me, and that’s all that matters, right?

Have you taken a social media break? Were you glad you did?
What changed during and after the break?
How long was the break?

Would you like to take a break? I think I would. Yes. I think I would.

As always, Thanks for listening.

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Being Distressed

You know, it was hard enough when we found out that Mom had dementia, but watching her go through it is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

Over the last 6-8 years I’ve watched my Mother’s mind deteriorate. At first it was little things, like she couldn’t find the right word to say, or she would forget something. But, we all do that at one time or another, right?

The first time we ever had the scary notion that something wasn’t quite right with her was when I was in the hospital for a few days. Mom and Dad are the best parents any kid could ever ask for. They’re always there for me and my brother. And, this was no exception. They drove four hours to Atlanta to be with me while I was in the hospital, and only left to go to my Uncle’s house to sleep. So, yeah, they both were worried and extremely tired. For the most part, I truly believe Mom’s condition, especially at that time, was made worse by worry and exhaustion. The only way I have ever been able to explain it – then or since – is that she seemed confused about what she was confused about. I know it sounds odd, but that’s how it seemed.

I haven’t written anything in my blog for months, because, thankfully, there just hasn’t been that much to say. But, in the last few weeks, I’ve seen a steady decline. Changes that I just am not ready for are happening daily. Her speech is getting softer all the time, she can’t string sentences together very well most of the time, and she’s more and more unsure on her feet. But, the biggest is that she sees people no one else can see. Many times they’ll be people she knows, but they’re doing things the real people would never do. She keeps telling me that my best friend’s Mom is in her closet going through her clothes and just taking what ever she wants. (Never mind that my friend’s Mom is at least 4-5 inches taller than my Mom and couldn’t begin to fit into her clothes…lol)

For a long time Mom has seen these people, but it’s different now. Most of the time she described them as just regular people or small children. Every once in a while though, she’d say something about someone REALLY tall, dressed in white. Not just plain ol’ white, but a bright white. Well now. Hmmm. If you’ve read anything about Angels, you’ve probably come across the same kind of description that my Mom gives of these people.

Being a Christian, and someone who has the Gift of Knowledge, (which, in my case means seeing, knowing or feeling things many people don’t), how can I say that what she’s seeing isn’t really there? I can’t. I know it freaks people out a bit when I see things they don’t, or even tell them about it after the fact. Now I know how they feel on a moment by moment basis. In the last week or so, Mom has gone from just seeing these people, to talking to them, and now, in the last two days, she’s started to putting food out for them. It’s not for these tall people dressed in white, though. (It would make me feel better if it was!) She sees, talks to, and now tries to feed tiny children. A boy and a girl. They have – according to Mom – been sitting in our flower pots, sitting on the shelf in the pantry, and climbing up the cabinet doors. I hear and see her interact with them all day long. And, yeah, it’s kinda freaky.

I’m not looking for any kind of resolution here, I’m just trying to get this ‘down on paper’, and out of my head. As much as I know that God’s got this, and He’s got it all under control and worked out much better than I could ever try and plan it out, it’s just hard to deal with. And, writing about it helps a bit. I would appreciate prayers. That’s the only thing that will truly help.

Thanks for listening.

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