Trying to make it through life with His help.

Posts tagged ‘question’

Being Distressed

You know, it was hard enough when we found out that Mom had dementia, but watching her go through it is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

Over the last 6-8 years I’ve watched my Mother’s mind deteriorate. At first it was little things, like she couldn’t find the right word to say, or she would forget something. But, we all do that at one time or another, right?

The first time we ever had the scary notion that something wasn’t quite right with her was when I was in the hospital for a few days. Mom and Dad are the best parents any kid could ever ask for. They’re always there for me and my brother. And, this was no exception. They drove four hours to Atlanta to be with me while I was in the hospital, and only left to go to my Uncle’s house to sleep. So, yeah, they both were worried and extremely tired. For the most part, I truly believe Mom’s condition, especially at that time, was made worse by worry and exhaustion. The only way I have ever been able to explain it – then or since – is that she seemed confused about what she was confused about. I know it sounds odd, but that’s how it seemed.

I haven’t written anything in my blog for months, because, thankfully, there just hasn’t been that much to say. But, in the last few weeks, I’ve seen a steady decline. Changes that I just am not ready for are happening daily. Her speech is getting softer all the time, she can’t string sentences together very well most of the time, and she’s more and more unsure on her feet. But, the biggest is that she sees people no one else can see. Many times they’ll be people she knows, but they’re doing things the real people would never do. She keeps telling me that my best friend’s Mom is in her closet going through her clothes and just taking what ever she wants. (Never mind that my friend’s Mom is at least 4-5 inches taller than my Mom and couldn’t begin to fit into her clothes…lol)

For a long time Mom has seen these people, but it’s different now. Most of the time she described them as just regular people or small children. Every once in a while though, she’d say something about someone REALLY tall, dressed in white. Not just plain ol’ white, but a bright white. Well now. Hmmm. If you’ve read anything about Angels, you’ve probably come across the same kind of description that my Mom gives of these people.

Being a Christian, and someone who has the Gift of Knowledge, (which, in my case means seeing, knowing or feeling things many people don’t), how can I say that what she’s seeing isn’t really there? I can’t. I know it freaks people out a bit when I see things they don’t, or even tell them about it after the fact. Now I know how they feel on a moment by moment basis. In the last week or so, Mom has gone from just seeing these people, to talking to them, and now, in the last two days, she’s started to putting food out for them. It’s not for these tall people dressed in white, though. (It would make me feel better if it was!) She sees, talks to, and now tries to feed tiny children. A boy and a girl. They have – according to Mom – been sitting in our flower pots, sitting on the shelf in the pantry, and climbing up the cabinet doors. I hear and see her interact with them all day long. And, yeah, it’s kinda freaky.

I’m not looking for any kind of resolution here, I’m just trying to get this ‘down on paper’, and out of my head. As much as I know that God’s got this, and He’s got it all under control and worked out much better than I could ever try and plan it out, it’s just hard to deal with. And, writing about it helps a bit. I would appreciate prayers. That’s the only thing that will truly help.

Thanks for listening.


He Continues to Amaze

The fact that God cares about me and the every day minutia of my life isn’t anything new to me. I’ve known this for a while now. As I stated in a previous blog post, I can look back and see where He has guided me one way or another. But what continues to amaze me – BIG time – is just HOW He brings things together. Things that some will say is coincidence, but for those of us who Believe, it’s just another one of His ways of saying, “I’ve got this.”

Today, I had to go to the Unemployment Office. I needed to update some information I had originally put in a form. When my name was called, I went to talk to the young woman at the desk who would answer my questions. After finding out what I needed, she lead me to a computer, logged me in and showed me where I needed to update the information. Before she left, I asked her a few questions that I had wondered about, but hadn’t planned on asking, like what I should do about the fact that I am having to scrounge for places to apply to for a job. I told her there were only so many places needing a graphic artist/designer at the moment. After she gave me her best answer, she turned to leave and I went back to updating my information. But then I heard a man ask her a question…about me. She, as an employee of the Department of Labor, couldn’t legally answer any of his questions about me directly, but by this time, I had turned around and was answering anyway. When she saw that she was no longer needed, she smiled and left. The man rolled his chair over to sit beside me.

Now, get this… This is just how awesome God is.

This man didn’t work at the office, he is, himself, unemployed. And yet, he came over and offered to try and help ME find a job. He told me he has contacts in the printing industry, IN NASHVILLE – where I will be moving in a few days – and would probably be able to get my resume in the hands of several different companies that need graphic artists. When I told him what I used to do, and the magazines I used to help produce, he knew exactly where I had worked, and even called the name of someone we both knew. So, this guy is legit.

When I finished my update a minute or two later, he was gone. I didn’t see him anywhere. I walked outside to my car and said a prayer of thanks to the One who loves me enough to care about the small things in my life and put someone in my path who may be able to get me a job. At the very least this man gave me a bit of encouragement.

Our God is an AWESOME God, isn’t He?! If you’ve been reading my posts, you’ve had a few weeks now to look back and figure out where you can see His fingerprints on your life. I hope you can find them in your life. He’s there, in the every day details of your life. You just have to look.


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