Trying to make it through life with His help.

Posts tagged ‘religion’

Being Distressed

You know, it was hard enough when we found out that Mom had dementia, but watching her go through it is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

Over the last 6-8 years I’ve watched my Mother’s mind deteriorate. At first it was little things, like she couldn’t find the right word to say, or she would forget something. But, we all do that at one time or another, right?

The first time we ever had the scary notion that something wasn’t quite right with her was when I was in the hospital for a few days. Mom and Dad are the best parents any kid could ever ask for. They’re always there for me and my brother. And, this was no exception. They drove four hours to Atlanta to be with me while I was in the hospital, and only left to go to my Uncle’s house to sleep. So, yeah, they both were worried and extremely tired. For the most part, I truly believe Mom’s condition, especially at that time, was made worse by worry and exhaustion. The only way I have ever been able to explain it – then or since – is that she seemed confused about what she was confused about. I know it sounds odd, but that’s how it seemed.

I haven’t written anything in my blog for months, because, thankfully, there just hasn’t been that much to say. But, in the last few weeks, I’ve seen a steady decline. Changes that I just am not ready for are happening daily. Her speech is getting softer all the time, she can’t string sentences together very well most of the time, and she’s more and more unsure on her feet. But, the biggest is that she sees people no one else can see. Many times they’ll be people she knows, but they’re doing things the real people would never do. She keeps telling me that my best friend’s Mom is in her closet going through her clothes and just taking what ever she wants. (Never mind that my friend’s Mom is at least 4-5 inches taller than my Mom and couldn’t begin to fit into her clothes…lol)

For a long time Mom has seen these people, but it’s different now. Most of the time she described them as just regular people or small children. Every once in a while though, she’d say something about someone REALLY tall, dressed in white. Not just plain ol’ white, but a bright white. Well now. Hmmm. If you’ve read anything about Angels, you’ve probably come across the same kind of description that my Mom gives of these people.

Being a Christian, and someone who has the Gift of Knowledge, (which, in my case means seeing, knowing or feeling things many people don’t), how can I say that what she’s seeing isn’t really there? I can’t. I know it freaks people out a bit when I see things they don’t, or even tell them about it after the fact. Now I know how they feel on a moment by moment basis. In the last week or so, Mom has gone from just seeing these people, to talking to them, and now, in the last two days, she’s started to putting food out for them. It’s not for these tall people dressed in white, though. (It would make me feel better if it was!) She sees, talks to, and now tries to feed tiny children. A boy and a girl. They have – according to Mom – been sitting in our flower pots, sitting on the shelf in the pantry, and climbing up the cabinet doors. I hear and see her interact with them all day long. And, yeah, it’s kinda freaky.

I’m not looking for any kind of resolution here, I’m just trying to get this ‘down on paper’, and out of my head. As much as I know that God’s got this, and He’s got it all under control and worked out much better than I could ever try and plan it out, it’s just hard to deal with. And, writing about it helps a bit. I would appreciate prayers. That’s the only thing that will truly help.

Thanks for listening.


God’s Fingerprints

From the moment I was on my own here in Atlanta, ’til this very day, I can look back and see God’s fingerprints on my life. Even though I wasn’t going to church at the time, He still considered me His own, and was still guiding my steps.

There are so many instances I can look back on and know that He had a hand in getting me where I needed to be. From the apartment I ultimately chose, to the woman who lived below me. He orchestrated it all. If I had chosen another apartment complex or even another apartment in which to live, I, most likely, wouldn’t have ever met Betty, who loved me back to church.

At that church I met a man who became my best friend for many years. He helped me understand a lot of things when it came to men. (Ladies, if you’ve never had a male best friend, you should try it. It’s interesting). I learned a lot from him, we were great together. He provided a unique perspective on things, which for me, was what I needed. For a long time, we kept each other company since neither of us were dating at the time. When I started the “internet dating thing”, he helped to keep my head out of the clouds. Because, believe me, the men I talked to and met would tell you anything to get what they wanted. He used to tell me, “Until you meet them, they’re the Easter Bunny. They don’t really exist.” Which, believe it or not, actually helped.

Through him, I found the church I still attend today, Grace Fellowship Church in Buford, GA. In the eight years at GFC, under the tutelage and ministry of Rev. Dr. Randy Kennedy, I have grown more as a Christian than I believe I ever would have going anywhere else. Our church is small. It is intimate. We are a family. Music is Worship at GFC. You will hear nothing but the Word preached. There’s no drama or church politics. But God meets us there every Sunday. All of that, and the love of Jesus Christ poured out on us every time we meet, are just a few of the reasons I love my church.

Growing in Jesus can be very exciting. Learning to listen for His voice, finding your gifts, seeing the changes taking place in your life. These are reasons to grow. But, one of the most exciting reasons is to be used by God. If you let him, He will put you in situations and ask things of you that you would have never imagined. And each time you have the option to obey or not. But when you do what He asks you to do, the results are awesome. And, most of the time, you’ll get confirmation that it was Him. Then you can just sit back, pick your jaw back up off the floor, and be amazed at what He can – and will – do through you.

“Get useable, and God will wear you out!” ~Adrian Rogers, from a sermon by Rev. Dr. Randy Kennedy, September 15, 2013.

Can you look back over your life and see the fingerprints of God? A gentle guidance of ‘Go here.’, ‘No, not there. This way.’? Take a moment to look back over your life and see if you can find His fingerprints on your life. I bet you can.

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