Trying to make it through life with His help.

Posts tagged ‘worry’

Being Illogical

So, for the last few weeks, it’s been pretty calm at home. No disappearances, no calling other family members for help, which is a good thing. And, I thank God that nothing major like that has happened again.

The things that do happen are what have become the every day things of living with someone who has dementia. She sees things and people who aren’t there, gets ideas in her head that no logic in the world can convince her aren’t true, makes statements that make no sense, and possibly worst of all, inadvertently hurts the one person who’s been there through everything, and still loves her more than life itself.

For as long as I can remember, my Mom has always gone to sleep while watching television at night. She rarely saw the end of a show or movie. It’s just something she always did. But now when she falls asleep, she dreams dreams we have no idea about, and she can’t always separate fact from fiction. So, most of the time, what she dreams about seems to get mixed up with her reality. We just never know what’s going to come out of her mouth from one moment to the next.

screen-shot-2016-09-19-at-11-02-52-pmTonight, she woke up and asked my Dad if he could sleep in the room with my brother, (who wasn’t even there). I told her that Dad had his own bed. She asked where, and I told her the same one she slept in. She said, “He can’t sleep in the same bed with me! We’re not married!” I didn’t even want to see the look on my Dad’s face. This has hit him a lot harder than anyone else. She – so far – remembers me, my brother and his son, and pretty much everyone else. But my sweet Daddy… well, she doesn’t always remember who he is, or that he’s her husband. I told her to look at her hand. She held up her right hand, “See? No ring.” I said, “The other hand, Mama.” She giggled like a school girl and wouldn’t even look at her left hand. See? No logic can convince her.

So, tonight she’s sleeping upstairs. No amount of convincing will get her down here in her own bed. I’ll be praying that she doesn’t wake up during the night to come downstairs, because she falls so easily now, especially when she’s half asleep. And a fall down those stairs could be really bad. And, if she falls, we might not hear her. Because of that, I may sleep in the living room tonight… I know I can’t keep her from falling, but I could get to her faster from there than I could from my room.

If you have someone in your life who has dementia or Alzheimer’s, the one thing I would tell you to do – besides pray…a lot – would be to check out Prevagen. It’s an over the counter drug to help with memory loss. It’s actually helped my Mom, or more accurately, what I think it’s done is to keep her from getting worse faster than she would have if she hadn’t been taking it. And, in case you’re wondering, I’m not a paid spokesperson for it, I haven’t received samples, nor have I ever been contacted by them to write a review or anything like that. It just seems like it helps, and it might help someone else out there who needs it.

This is hard on us all. But, for me, the hardest thing is seeing how it hurts my Dad. He knows it’s the dementia talking, but as he said, “I can’t do anything with it.” It’s something you just have to learn to live, and deal with. I’ve found that I’m more emotional at times than I even realize I may be. I don’t like to be around pushy, difficult or confrontational people anyway, but I can usually deal with them pretty well. But twice in the last week, I’ve been in situations where I just didn’t handle them well at all. I need to get a better grip on things, but so far, I just haven’t been able to. I guess more prayer is in order.

Thanks for listening.

Being Terrified

Fear-Not-Banner-2

You’d think after my last post, (YESTERDAY), I might be better at not worrying, right? Well, that’d be a big ol’ NOPE!

Geez. Things hit you out of left field when someone you love has dementia. As I was leaving to go to church today, my Mom asked if she could come with me. I was a bit taken aback because she stopped going to church a few years ago for various medical reasons. I asked, “You want to go to church with me?” She said, “No, I thought you could take me somewhere. I’m not supposed to say it, but I thought maybe you could take me home.” (She’s been asking us for weeks now when we were going to go home. They have lived in the same house for 52 years, so, we’re not sure exactly where she’s wanting to go.) Once again, I told her if she could tell me where it was, I would gladly take her there. She turned around, waving her hands, and shaking her head, saying, “Never mind. Just never mind.”

Dad told me to go on to church, it would be ok. So, I made the short drive to church. One of the first things my teacher does is take prayer requests. So, I asked her to put my Mom and Dad on the list. I wanted to say more, but tears welled up in my eyes and I couldn’t get anything else out. We went on with the lesson, and my phone tumblr_lle1iri7zy1qbatwqo1_1280buzzed. I got up and out of the room as soon as I could, but I missed the phone call. It was from my Dad. I knew something must have happened because he wouldn’t have called me otherwise. I listened to the voice message. Mom had disappeared. She had walked off and he couldn’t find her. I could hear the fear and worry in his voice, which is such an unusual thing for my Dad, who has always been so strong. I ran back in the room, gathered my things and ran out.

By this time, I was barely able to see because of the tears. I knew I was going to have to pull it together, at least enough to drive home. As I walked to my car, two young men came up to me and asked if I was ok, and if there was anything they could do. I quickly explained what had happened and asked them to just please pray that she would be ok. Once I got out of the church parking lot, I didn’t have to stop at all – a total miracle since there’s at least eight stop lights between church and home. I tried not to speed, (much), but it was difficult. At one point I thought it might be a good thing if I was pulled over, then I could get the Officer to help find her. But, I just wanted to get home and make sure my Mom was found and ok.

When I was a few miles from home, my Dad finally answered his cell phone and told me that he had found her. She had walked five houses down the street to a neighbor’s house…in 90° heat. We live in an older neighborhood, where the houses aren’t stuck so close together you can reach out the window and touch your neighbor. There’s actually room to roam. You know, like neighborhoods used to be 50+ years ago. So, this wasn’t just a few feet, but closer to a quarter of a mile. That may not sound like it’s too far, but for an 85 year old who can’t walk well, that’s a LONG way. Thankfully the neighbor, a woman who’s children I had grown up with, was home and brought Mom back to us.

Apparently, Mom had wanted to go “Home” so badly, that she was willing to strike out on her own to get there. I later found out that she had told Dad that she would walk until she dropped to get there. So, when he left the room for a few minutes, she did just that. Thankfully she didn’t drop, though, or get too far.

As much as I would like to tell you that I didn’t worry, or fear, I’d be lying if I did. And, I’m not going to do that. Heck, I’ve already told you that I cried all the way home, which doesn’t exactly mean I was too confident. I knew He was with me. I talked to Him all the way home. But, I think that being strong and confident in the Lord is something that most of us have to work on, or build up to. We’re so used to doing things for ourselves and/or relying on someone else to do things, that relying on Him isn’t necessarily the first thing we think of. Even though it should be. I’d really rather not have to be tested on this again, but I think it’s the only way we learn to trust him fully. I just hope I get better at it sooner than later, because I’m not sure my heart can take too many more days like today.

Thanks for listening.

fearnot_08272015_72

 

 

Being Troubled

John 14 (KJV)

14 Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.

When I started thinking about this post, I looked at an online Thesaurus for words that could mean “worried”, but not have the same feeling as worried. Because, I really do try not to worry about things. I mean, that’s what He tells us to do, right? He tells us to “Fear not…” 365 times in the Bible. Do you think that He would have said it that many times – one for each day of the year! – if He didn’t have things covered? He keeps telling us that He’s got this, and yet we still worry and fear.

I’ll confess to you that since my Mom’s dementia has continued to get worse, I find myself worrying about what is to come. To be my age and still have both of my parents is something of a miracle in itself, I think. When I find myself worrying, or even trying to figure out what to do if ‘this’ or ‘that’ happens, I remind myself that He has already got it all planned out, and no matter how tragic it seems at the time, what ever happens will be the best way it could have happened, and all will fall into place as He sees fit. Remember that “Thy Will Be Done” part of the Lord’s Prayer? That’s what I try to remember throughout all of this. But, it can be difficult…

It’s gotten to the point where we shouldn’t leave my Mom alone, at least not too long. She forgets where you’ve gone, and in the last year or so she’s become more unstable on her feet, so she could fall and hurt herself and no one would be there to help her. Again, I get it, we’re worrying about things that could happen. But, even though I know He’s watching over her every step, He still expects us to be responsible and help ourselves out. So, we don’t leave her on her own for too long, or too often.

Every week, it seems there’s something new. This week, she’s started wanting to sleep upstairs in the den instead of downstairs in her bed. We haven’t figured out the reasoning behind this yet, but, so far, we’ve been able to talk her into going downstairs. For me, it’s because she could get up during the night, and fall down the few steps going downstairs. Just think about how disoriented you are if you wake up in the middle of the night, then multiply that by about 100, and that’s how she feels. She can barely stand up by herself, she’s still mostly asleep, which means she’s disoriented, and then add in that she’s very unsteady on her feet, and, the probability of her falling is extremely high. If that were to happen, we might not hear her fall. And, even though as she keeps reminding me, “I’m still the mother.”, {smile}, I can’t sleep knowing she may fall and hurt herself during the night if she’s not where she should be. Last night I determined that I would just sleep up there with her, but thankfully Daddy got her to go downstairs.

I’m not sure what exactly I’m trying to get across here, but the thing is, for many of us, we just feel helpless as our parents get older. I believe I may be in the minority of those who feel responsible to help their parents out. The world isn’t as it used to be when I was growing up. Far from it. We’re all so busy with our own lives that we don’t have time for those who mean the most, or those who should mean the most.

Actually, other than the fact that we shouldn’t worry about things as much as we do, I do know that what I’m trying to get across to anyone out there willing to listen. It’s that you should build a good relationship with your parents, (and grandparents), before it’s too late. I know there are those of you out there who feel you can’t for one reason or another. And, it may not be your fault. But, make the effort. If you don’t, you may regret it.

I’m in a unique position in that I live with my parents. So I’m with them every day. Do I wish I had my own place? Sure. Do I have a job that would allow me to do that at the moment? No. Do they need me here with them, and are they glad I’m here? Yes, very much so to both questions. I like to think of it being a mutually beneficial situation. 🙂 I ask myself all the time if I didn’t live with them, would I see them often? I would like to think I would. But, I also understand that “life” gets in the way and we don’t always do what we should or need to do. There’s always tomorrow, right? No, Scarlett, not necessarily. Tomorrow isn’t promised.

Let’s not forget grandparents. I grew up, for the most part, without any grandparents. So, when my ex-husband practically refused to spend time with his grandmother because she was almost deaf, I couldn’t understand it. I knew it was difficult, but I also knew that eventually he might regret not spending time with her. When it comes to your grandparents, please, oh, please, don’t forget about them. Make the time to go see them as often as you can. They love you like no one else. Listen to what they have to say. There’s wisdom there, there’s stories of their childhood that no one else may know. They have lived through so much more than you realize, and you need to hear it. I really think you’ll be amazed. Pull out the box of old photos that every grandparent has and go through it with them. Each photo represents a snippet of their life. If you don’t know the people in the photos, ask!, before it’s too late and they don’t remember.

The Bible says, “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—“that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth” (Ephesians 6:2-3).

I think for now, in writing this all down, I’m just hoping that if there’s someone else out there who is going through something similar, you will know that you’re not alone. Not only are there others out there who share the same experiences, He’s there for you, too, if you’ll just let Him be. He will never push you into letting Him in, it’s totally your choice. But, He can, and will, do so much for you. Just let go, and let Him.

Thanks for listening. 🙂

a2319828f6e205e8e02b1028a7868ce9

Tag Cloud

%d bloggers like this: